The Best Present of All

December 25, 2008 · Filed Under State of the Blog 

It was at this time a year ago my wife and I took turns watching over our very sick daughter. Those parents reading this can most certainly relate to that especially helpless feeling you have as you care for a sick child.

Small and helpless, we took shifts watching our 4 year old daughter throughout the night, hoping that on Christmas day we would see a little spark of life return to her eyes as we slid a present onto her tiny lap. The bright wrapping paper and shiny bows had no effect on her. She was literally a shell of her former self – the life seemingly gone from her.

After watching her quickly decline over a short few days, we called our pediatrician’s nurse on duty to seek counsel. We quickly received a call and explained her symptoms. To our shock, we were told to take her to the emergency room. Even though we were told it was just to be safe, we were nonetheless a little concerned.

After arriving at the emergency room, we were shortly ushered in, and a staff of very caring nurses and doctors went to work on our little girl. Breathing treatments were administered, readings were taken to measure heart rate and oxygen saturation, and all the while she just lay there barely reacting to all of the goings-on – so unlike her.

After almost eight hours of observation and treatment, the staff solemnly entered our room, and informed us they would be transferring her to another hospital with a pediatric intensive care unit.

Stunned:

We were stunned – breathless – as we tried to grasp what was happening to our daughter, what was going to happen to her. It was Christmas day after all, a time when families were laughing and enjoying their gifts, right?

As tears raced to our eyes, every question came to our mind: What is going to happen? What did we do wrong to put our daughter in harm’s way? Would she be OK?

Authoritatively and sincerely the head nurse explained why, explained how, and answered our questions. Our daughter wasn’t breathing correctly and in a child so young, she needed to be very closely monitored.

The emergency transport came, and gathered her. My wife rode with her and I followed behind. We were ushered into her new room, as many nurses swarmed around making our new home as comfortable as possible for her.

There were many sick children and families living their Christmas holiday out of an intensive care room. Under the cover of dimmed hallway lights and in whispered breaths, family members moved about the hallways. As our eyes met, I could sense they too felt as if they were in some purgatory – between life and death.

It was a hollow and timeless feeling, waiting on any word from nurse or doctor – learning to read the many monitors surrounding our daughter’s bed and attempting to translate the varied beeps. There were no gifts to be given in our small room, and very few visitors. It did not seem like a true Christmas.

Solace:

In such dire times, it seems that the human mind seeks solace in small things… and so it was with our family. The staff at the hospital kindly offered us to partake in their small holiday feast and the doctors kindly brought small gifts to each of the children on the floor – a small doll for our baby girl.

But it was not even these things that seemed to matter. Yes, they did demonstrated that generosity during these times does indeed live. But more importantly me, my wife, and my daughter spend three entire days together in a small room.

We did not have many visitors, aside from the hospital staff and some close family. All of our Christmas gifts laid unopened on the floor at our house. We did not think about a world outside of that room for those days.

It was in each other that we found Christmas, in seeing our daughter once again smile and laugh. It was in those moments, when the rest of the world was busy living their lives and ours had stopped, that we once again discovered a gift in each other; worth more than anything you can buy or hold, our small family found peace and happiness, not wrapped and hidden under a tree, but in a small hospital room that served as the box for the best present of all.

Ken Stewart’s blog, ChangeForge.com, focuses on the collision between the constantly changing worlds of business and technology. To learn more about Ken, visit his about page. You may also find Ken on FriendFeed, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

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    Comments

    • My thoughts are with you and your family. I only hope for the best and most healthy holiday season for you and yours my friend.
    • Same to you, my friend.
    • Children change everything. Their every whimper, cry or look can make you jump, worry, and act.

      When Sarah was seeing her weight drop below four pounds and couldn't maintain her temperature in that first week after she was born, we were extremely worried, comforted by the fact she had excellent care and that many babies in tougher conditions had made it through. That you are on the other side of such an emergency and can look back on it is tremendous.

      You sound like a caring father who wants nothing better than for the health and happiness of his little girl. Some day she will hear these stories and thank you for all you did and for all you do.
    • I can remember weight being a very key factor our doctors watched. I can most certainly related to some angst there, Louis. Although, six months after our daughter's birth, she was as fat as a baby buddah - so there was some concern on the other end at that point ;-)

      My daughter has shown me and my wife so much about what being complete and happy means. She was an unexpected gift in more ways that one!

      My hope with this is to share with everyone that Christmas is so much more than running around buying gifts and opening presents. There are things in this life we are given that are so very special. Should we but blink, we might miss each and every one.
    • kallan
      Ngā mihi o te Kirihimete, Ken

      I am so glad you have a healthy, loving, loveable 5 year old daughter today. She looks a cutie. She will have enjoyed this Christmas I am sure. Children make Christmas Christmas for all:

      Christmas for All

      On the nights before Christmas as Christmas draws near,
      When the family grows gracious most gracious and dear,
      There's an everywhere twinkle which dazzles the sight,
      Of a tinsel-like crispy-white starry-bright light.

      A resinous scent of fresh pine fills the senses,
      Each limb on the Christmas tree yields and relaxes,
      And mystery percolates places routine,
      As the feelings of loving and giving run keen.

      Then the home becomes cluttered quite littered with joys,
      With loose ribbons and wrappings and colourful toys,
      With fine shreds from the Christmas tree's glittering shawl
      For the children who make Christmas Christmas for all.
    • The reason I keep reading this blog is because it is more than just technology and industry. You constantly jar me from myopic focus and remind me how big this world is, and how many more important things there are than just my computer problems.
    • Larry, thank you. I think that is perhaps one of the best compliments I could receive. Many blessings to you and yours this holiday season!
    • Hey Ken,
      A wonderful story you've shared, thank you. It's so true that challenging times, especially concerning the health of loved ones, cause us to reconsider many things. I've experienced that shift a few times myself.

      Have you found that maintaining the focus on life's true priorities has been any easier this past year? Having been through such a difficult time and coming out okay, has that change stuck with you? Or have things returned to normal and that memory is just that...a memory?

      That's the struggle for me...maintaining that laser sharp focus on the revelations that come from adversity, after the adversity has passed. Like so many matches blown out by the wind, ideas, understanding, epiphanies, even, arrive with intensity yet wither over time...rarely developing into the bonfire they suggest.

      May yours burn indefinitely, Ken.
    • Jeb, you speak the truth! I am of the belief that life will conspire against you to pull your focus away from those things that truly matter.

      Just like honing skills or being in a relationship, all take work to maintain focus. I have found that the more I allow "stuff" to take priority, it clouds my vision of what should be important.

      I have been through a challenging year this past year, professional and personally. I have also seen much success in both as well. I think it is this stark contrast that allows me to maintain my laser focus on things like family.

      Perhaps what this opportunity opened the door for was for me to forcibly rearrange my life a bit. This means living by a calendar a little more than I would normally prefer, but the end result is more satisfying.

      You see I do not like to be very structured in my day. I can live with a list, but I like to accomplish those things in the time that they take. This had to change a bit, to be more productive in the times I needed to be as well as sweeten the experience of those times I did not.

      Lastly, this experience warmed my heart to family all the more. I believe my God put this in front of us to teach us a valuable lesson. I was reflecting with my wife last night, and even the busy holiday schedule - intended for seeing as many loved ones as possible, can detract from the true sampling of the season, diminishing the very sensations we are intended to enjoy.

      Life is not intended to be easy, in my opinion. We, as humans, seem to define ourselves by our adversities - and seem to learn from them so much more than we would otherwise absorb. Perhaps it is this adversity that makes each joy so much sweeter... I do wonder that. By in large, I find that maintaining focus is a challenge, but a very worthy one. Balance can be difficult, but time is most assuredly finite. As such, choosing to do or not to do something requires a conscious choice. It is this choice that we must relish above all, and honor that opportunity rather than squander it.

      This is what I have learned, and my thought is that as long as I continue to learn, I will be better for it: a better person, a better man, a better father, a better husband. It is in these experiences that I try and recall to maintain a heart of humble service. That is why I share this with you and the world.

      Just trying to pay it forward, my friend.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Jeb. I most definitely appreciate your perspective and think you have most certainly caused me to think just a little more on this ;-)
    • Nice post. Have bookmarked your blog and will be sure to come back soon!
    • Thank you, Baby Dolls. I look forward to seeing you around.
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